Receiving Gratitude

Author: Lokadia Sims, MA, CCC

In eating disorder (ED) recovery, many people find it easier to give than to receive—whether that’s encouragement, support, love, rest, or even gratitude. Receiving gratitude can be especially difficult when you struggle with self-worth. It may feel like you don’t deserve appreciation, or that the kind words others offer aren’t true. Your initial reaction might be to argue, deflect, or challenge the compliment. Unfortunately, this only reinforces the negative beliefs you already hold about yourself.

But learning to receive gratitude is a powerful act. It allows connection, nurtures self-worth, and begins to loosen the grip of shame. Resistance to receiving gratitude often stems from perfectionism, shame, trauma, or deep-rooted core beliefs. When we push gratitude away, we also distance ourselves from meaningful relationships and the sense of safety and belonging that comes with them. This can contribute to anxious attachment and further disconnection from loved ones.

Even if you don’t believe you deserve the compliments or gratitude, practicing acceptance can help shift those internal beliefs, especially the ones that are tied to ED patterns.

5 Steps to Practicing Receiving Gratitude

1. Pause Instead of Deflecting

   1. When someone thanks you or offers a compliment, try not to downplay, explain, or reject it.

   2. Simply pause and notice your first reaction. Just observe it—don’t act on it.

2. Just Say “Thank You”

   1. You don’t have to fully believe the kind words right away. The practice starts with not arguing or challenging them.

   2. Saying “thank you” is a small but powerful step toward self-acceptance. It feels better than pushing it away.

3. Notice the Discomfort

   1. Pay attention to what shows up: tension, self-doubt, critical thoughts?

   2. Gently name the discomfort and acknowledge it. Validate that it’s showing up because of the beliefs you carry, not because the gratitude is untrue.

   3. Pushing away the discomfort often increases distress. Validation gives you space to respond with compassion instead of resistance.

4. Write It Down

   1. Keep a journal of compliments or expressions of gratitude you’ve received. Revisit it when the ED voice feels loud.

   2. Seeing it written down can serve as an affirmation and a reminder of how others see you.

5. Practice in Small Doses

   1. You don’t have to let it all in at once. Let in just a small piece of appreciation and build your capacity over time.

   2. If a compliment feels too big to receive, start by letting in the feeling of being seen, or the care behind someone’s words.

   3. Adjust your expectations. You might not feel “good” right away when receiving gratitude, especially if it contradicts your inner beliefs. That’s okay. Expect some discomfort at first. It’s a sign that you’re growing and hearing something new about yourself.

Receiving gratitude isn’t about feeling confident right away—it’s about being willing to stay present with kindness, even when it feels uncomfortable. The more that you practice receiving gratitude, the more you create space for healing, connection, and a more compassionate view of yourself. In doing this, you will start to notice, in small steps, that some of your old self-beliefs begin to shift, making room for new ones.